


Invitation Undreamt Of

by collatorsden_archivist



Category: Ashes to Ashes, Life on Mars & Related Fandoms, Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, G - White Cortina, Time Period: 1973-1981 (Life on Mars), Time Period: 1981-2006 (Life on Mars), Time Period: 2006-present (Life on Mars), Time Period: Pre-1973 (Life on Mars), Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-07
Updated: 2008-04-07
Packaged: 2019-01-20 20:04:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12440622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collatorsden_archivist/pseuds/collatorsden_archivist
Summary: Shop talk.





	Invitation Undreamt Of

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Janni, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [the Collators' Den](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Collators%27_Den), which was moved to the AO3 to ensure access and longevity for the fanworks. I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the Collators' Den collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/collatorsden/profile).

  
Author's notes: Crossover with **_Twin Peaks_**. White Cortina, so far, but seen through a bit of mountain fog. White Cortina may eventually crash into Douglas firs further down the line, FYI; it'll be an accident, but it'll smell _mighty_ fine. :D Spoilers for all of both series, probably.

With thanks and cookies as ever to unimaginably fantastic cracktastic beta Andy. Also, am aware Pink_Bagels is also playing in these same worlds and have discussed this with her; neither of us has read the other's foray into these worlds yet but look forward to so doing once we're done writing our _own_. Mental convergence on ideas is sometimes freaky. XD  


* * *

"Why so tense, mon cher? You're the one who called this meeting!" Nelson smiled, shaking his head, as he held the door open for the small blonde girl in red who stood next to him.

 

 

She smiled back, squeezing his hand tight before she stepped through. "I don't know, it's just I've never done this before," she said, holding her clown tight against her in her other arm.

 

 

"You'll be fine. Think about all the things you're good at. Not a lot of people could do what you do," Nelson, as usual, was right.

 

 

"I suppose you have a point. Let's eat. I'm told they do an excellent pie here," she seemed almost carefree now as she skipped into the Double R Diner ahead of Nelson.

 

 

Nelson grinned, shook his head again, and followed her inside, looking around him at the decor. Red vinyl and chrome and seafoam green walls and gleaming formica countertops as far as the eye could see, except where there were black-and-white tiles. _Bit tacky, this, isn't it?_

 

 

A very gaunt man waved them over to a booth in the corner. On first glance, one could be forgiven for thinking he was standing, but as one drew closer, it became clear the man was merely very, very tall. He was, in fact, seated quite comfortably next to a very short man who had boosted himself up to a normal height above the table with the help of a couple of phone books. 

 

 

The girl skipped ahead into the booth and sat down, settling her clown next to her. Nelson ambled over to the table and slid in; now their party was five, if one counted the clown. 

 

 

"What is this about?" the tall, gaunt man said to the little girl, not entirely unkindly. 

 

 

"Eip gnitnaw eb ll'ehs, tsrif." the little man next to him in the red jacket said, placing his hand on the gaunt man's arm. 

 

 

"How rude of me. Yes, let's order." the gaunt man smiled, which was a truly terrifying sight to behold.

 

 

Nelson eyed a glass-covered platter sitting on the counter and nodded toward it. "Is that the pie?"

 

 

"Erehwyna eip renif a dnif t'now ouy." the little man nodded sagely, smiled, and snapped his fingers softly in time with some music only he could hear.

 

 

"Morning, gentlemen. What can I get you?" the pretty blonde waitress strode up to their table, the very picture of hospitality and efficiency.

 

 

"I hear you've got an amazing pie around here, mon cher," Nelson said, eyes twinkling. _And beautiful scenery, too._

 

 

"Best pie in the whole world. Or at least, the state. Are you visiting, then? I'm Norma, by the way."

 

 

"Pleasure to meet you, Norma. I'm Nelson. Could I get a cup of coffee with that pie as well?" he sniffed the air once, as though in explanation. "Could smell it when I stepped through the door. I don't drink it often, but sometimes it's just what you need, eh, mon cherie?" he smiled again.

 

 

"Sure thing. What about you, miss?" Norma smiled down at the blonde girl, who looked torn between a piece of pie and breakfast. And a milkshake. And some ice cream. At last, she looked over the top of her menu and straight into Norma's eyes and very seriously asked, "Do you think I can get a scoop of ice cream with the pie?" 

 

 

"Absolutely. Glass of milk with that?" Norma wrote this all down on her notepad.

 

 

"It's like you read my mind!" the girl exclaimed, pleasantly surprised.

 

 

"I like to think I run the best diner in the state, too. It wouldn't be that way if I couldn't," Norma smiled. "Anything I can get for you gentlemen?"

 

 

"We'd appreciate some pie too, ma'am. And," the gaunt man nodded at the coffeepot on the burner behind the counter, "when you bring this gentleman coffee, could you leave the pot for us? I think we'll probably finish it and I wouldn't want to trouble you having to refill us over and over." he smiled as nicely as he could at her, which was still rather creepy. Some people just couldn't help being creepy, really.

 

 

Norma looked around; it was still fairly early and none of her regulars had come in yet. Besides which, she had a spare pot around. "Shouldn't be a problem, but you should know it's no trouble at all to refill your mugs if you need it." She flashed another smile and strode away with her notepad, preparing to fill their orders.

 

 

"And now, to business..." the gaunt man began, but the short man in the red jacket next to him patted his arm once more and made a shushing gesture.

 

 

"?Hsur eht yhw .Tey emoc neve t'nsah doof ruo." he cautioned, gesticulating gracefully around him, describing random arcs in the air with his hands like some strange conductor. "Netsil!"

 

 

The small blonde girl exchanged some sort of unreadable look with Nelson, which ended with both of them smiling.

 

 

Before they could lapse into the awkward silence of business-minded people who'd only just met, the ever-efficient Norma arrived with pie and coffee in tow. First, she poured out the coffee as quickly as she knew how. Then, with a flourish, she handed the plates of pie around, saving the blonde girl's _a la mode_ for last. 

 

 

The blonde girl's eyes glittered greedily as she beheld the culinary delight sat in front of her on the table. "Thank you very much, ma'am!" She paused, politely dabbing at her mouth in what she hoped was a nonchalant fashion; wouldn't do to accidentally drool in front of people she'd only just met, after all.

 

 

With a will, the gaunt man tucked into his pie immediately as though he'd not eaten in days. This was probably, in fact, because he _hadn't_. The short man in the red jacket began shovelling great forkfuls of pie into his mouth with his left hand, all the while with a strange smile on his face as he bobbed and weaved his head and snapped the fingers of his right hand in time with his imagined music. Which was rapidly becoming less imaginary and more real; or perhaps someone had plugged a quarter into the jukebox. 

 

 

Nelson smiled at all this, taking in the scene in a leisurely fashion before starting in on his own slice of pie. When he finally took a bite, he couldn't quite help himself. "Oooh, that is _lovely_! I wonder if I could get the recipe out of her... what do you reckon?" he asked the blonde girl. 

 

 

For her part, she was far too involved in her pie and ice cream to venture anything approaching an intelligible response. At least, not in English. "Mwwwhaaar?" was her response as her eyes went wide with unspeakable delight at the sensations in her mouth.

 

 

"Drah oot eb t'ndluohs," the short man translated helpfully, having long since acquired some sort of immunity to the vocal-collapsing side effects of the pie in question. Sometimes, it paid to live where he did.

 

 

"Dances on the tongue, doesn't it?" Nelson was jovial, as ever; it was no wonder he made such a fine bartender.

 

 

After a few more moments enjoying the kind of bliss only the finest pie in the world can produce, the small blonde girl at last snapped herself out of her trance and was once again all business.

 

 

"Now, to why I've called you here. I'm sure you're all wondering." she began, all traces of her entirely age-appropriate enrapturement at the prospect of delicious desserts gone.

 

 

"I'll say you've piqued our interest, yes," the gaunt man eyed her thoughtfully while taking a sip from his cup.

 

 

"I'm having a bit of trouble with my latest project, " she began, trying her best not to let her pouty feelings creep into her voice. She hated being called "petulant" with a passion.

 

 

"?Su nrecnoc siht seod woh," the small man in the red jacket asked.

 

 

"It's just I know you've been through this before. I've read the files. Seems like reading is all I do when the BBC's broadcasting all day. I only ever come out at night anyway, and noughts and crosses is only interesting for so long. Even my clown has begun to get me down. I've tried to research it, but I just can't seem to work it..." she frowned thoughtfully, in what she hoped was a suitably adult manner.

 

 

"Ah, yes. That one. Without chemicals, he jumps," the gaunt man nodded sagely.

 

 

"That's just it! I fear we've failed in our mission," the blonde girl huffed. "I tried so hard, too. Wouldn't you agree?" she looked pleadingly at Nelson.

 

 

"I can't rightly say, mon cher. I wasn't there, after all." Nelson smiled down kindly at her. 

 

 

"But didn't he tell you...things? I thought he sort of confided in you." she responded, looking slightly exasperated.

 

 

Nelson wisely sensed her exasperation was aimed more at the problem than at him, and responded soothingly, "Only at first, mon cher. Only at first. Once he began fitting in with the lads, he hardly needed my services any longer, did he? Only once in awhile." Now Nelson sipped his coffee thoughtfully and seriously contemplated licking his plate clean, wondering if he'd get any funny looks for so doing. "I didn't have the direct line to him you seemed to," he added, after a moment spent staring at his plate.

 

 

"Fat lot of good _that_ ended up being. He still didn't learn anything, after all this time! I tried so hard to show him, too..." she looked almost about to cry from frustration just as Norma appeared.

 

 

"Anything else I can get you?" she smiled.

 

 

"Another glass of milk for my little friend here, mon cher," Nelson gestured toward the blonde girl, who was by now shaking slightly with anger and rather incapable of speaking for herself. 

 

 

"No problem at all. Is she all right?" Norma asked, concerned.

 

 

"She'll be fine. Bit of family trouble. We're talking about it now...this pie can't make anyone cry, mon cherie." Nelson flashed his most charming grin, and indeed Norma found herself very taken by it. "Any chance I could get the recipe?"

 

 

"Well, it wouldn't be the best pie in the state if I gave away all our secrets, now, would it?" Norma winked. "I'll be right back with her milk," she said as she turned to walk away once more.

 

 

"So how exactly did you think we could help you?" the gaunt man spoke quietly, intently eyeing the little girl as he awaited her response.

 

 

"You don't suppose you could tell me how to access this black lodge of yours, do you? I'm afraid it might be my only option, and I haven't gotten that level of access yet from the Powers that Be." she angrily swiped away a tear that had leaked out of the corner of her right eye. 

 

 

The gaunt man exchanged a knowing look with the short man in the red jacket. Both grinned eerily.

 

 

".Eip erom deen ot gniog er'ew," the short man said at last, nodding his head toward the empty plates on the table.


End file.
